My downward spiral into fantasy football hell is officially at the point of no recovery. We’re no longer landing this thing, we’re managing a crash. I just thank the lord that I had enough sense not to talk a lot of trash when I was 4-0. Restraint is the better part of valor… or something like that. Set, Hut!

This is going to be a rough fantasy rant to write this week given I was on a plane all day Sunday and watched about as much football as Vince Young played – that is to say ZERO. I’ve had to gather my thoughts from highlight reels and internet banter instead of my normal method of watching NFL Redzone for eight hours straight. I may miss some of the dumber things that happened this week, but I should get to most of the good stuff. Pardon me if it’s short this week. In other news I lost all of my fantasy contests again. At least this time I put up respectable scores in my losses. A 38 point effort for a loss hurts more than a 95 point effort for a loss. However, being that close makes you really examine who screwed you in the past week and kept you form the “W.” I’m going to be extra testy with this group this week. I think that’s something Lance Armstrong would like. Let’s play ball.

I’ve got be honest with you people, I’m not all that angry this season. You see, I’ve got a winning record in every single one of my leagues and I’m undefeated in one of them. I feel like the Cubs in the World Series at this point. Like butter at Thanksgiving, I’m on a roll. The bad part is that I can’t explain why. I’m assuming I’m just lucky. Here we go.

What a week two in the NFL. We’re going to touch every single issue you’re boiling about and many more. I’d like to address the replacement referee situation in the opening instead of doing it as a bullet point below. It’s important to address this development first and separate from the other noise of the NFL. So, how awesome is it to call bullshit on the officiating team at the top of your drunk lungs during the game and actually be right most of the time? Awesome – that’s what it is – AWESOME. If the NFL required quarterbacks to be fatter and shorter than me, it would be even better. Lace up your panties and pull up your cleats – this going to hurt.

It wouldn’t be a great opening Fantasy Football Rant if I didn’t take the time to quickly let you in on how I lost a Fantasy Football contest before the season even started.  Stories of my failure excite you and give my wife something to tell strangers at the grocery store (we’ll be referring to my wife as “Betty Draper” this season).  It’s a win-win for everybody. One of the founders of FamousDC contacted me a month ago to let me know that a website whose name rhymes with “pantband.com” founded by a guy whose name rhymes with “Shrill Lemons” was holding a contest to see who would be their next fantasy football writer.  Long story short – I entered. I lost. Apparently the secret criteria you had to meet to win was being both stupid and unfunny.  You would have figured I’d be perfect for the job.  At least within the top ten (the number of unfunny idiots they picked to compete in this case) at worst… What does all of that mean for you?  It means I joined 15 fantasy leagues of all different makes and models with many different draft strategies so I would be ready to kick ass if I was picked to compete in that totally stupid aforementioned contest.  Therefore, I’m ready to bitch about more players for more reasons than I have ever before. Shall we?

It’s the final fantasy football rant of the year and I’m as excited to see this crap come to an end as you are.  It’s hard on a guy sucking this bad at something week in and week out, just ask the Redskins.After a long season of bad Chris Berman …

    I’d like to use my intro for my own two cents on the Penn State Pederast Parable playing out in front of the nation.  You gotta know that part of the outrage is being fueled by fans of Penn’s rivals.  It’s bad, no doubt, but Michael Jackson didn’t …

I really started loving Fantasy Football because it gave me some skin in just about every game played each week.  It was exciting for a while.  Now it’s just depressing.  Instead of taking the loss of my one favorite team hard, I get the culmination of an entire league’s worth of letdowns to …

My season is in the toilet… it fell out of my pocket while I was trying to flush and now I’m pretty sure I’m going to leave it there.  Is it really worth grabbing?  No.  Fantasy Football is about the pain and agony you bring on yourself for putting your happiness and social …

The NFL season is in full swing and Brad Kanus has agreed to join us for another year. Another short one this week folks.  My daughter is only two weeks old and has developed a bad self-image and is now bulimic – I get no sleep.  It’s terrible. It’s worse …

The NFL season is in full swing and Brad Kanus has agreed to join us for another year. FamousDC presents … Fantasy Football Rantworthy: Week 3 This week is going to be short.  My wife birthed our little future fantasy champion in time for me to catch all the NFL …

Wow… Do you remember everything I told you last week?  Forget what I said.  I couldn’t have been more wrong if I’d worn stripes with polka dots while writing the last rant. Anybody who followed my advice might as well give up now and start trading away your talent to …

The NFL season is right around the corner and Brad Kanus has agreed to join us for another year. FamousDC presents … Fantasy Football Rantworthy: Week 1 I apologize in advance for the length of this Fantasy Rant, but it’s the first one this year and there’s lots to cover.  …

Did Peyton Manning ruin your fantasy football playoff run? [Colts mail it in ]

Did you sneak out any press releases on Christmas? [debt limit ] Did you make the fantasy football playoffs & barely lose in the semi-finals because of a kicker? [damn it Longwell ] Did you survive the DC blizzard? [thunder snow ] Did you tear up during the presentation? [Heisman …