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Travel More: Sure, let us fit that in around the 2014 and 2016 election cycles. The boss will be a-okay with me jetting to Belfast for the week. Pack Lunch: Ha. Get real. Hi again, Sweetgreen. Check Your Phone Less: BUT first you must out-wonk this guy who you know only …

We all know what DC stands for, literally- but let’s talk about what it means FIGURATIVELY: Drama. City. When the tough gets going up here on the East Coast, DC area residents freak the hell out. Let’s delve into the world of WINTER TIME in DC, shall we? Mass DC …

We were inspired by Nathan Gonzales‘ sheer August creativity in coming up with 6 Things Losing Candidates Say, passed along by Shira Toeplitz. Here’s YET ANOTHER take on his list: 6 Questions DC Tourists Ask: 1. Should we do a segway tour? 2. What’s the mall? 3. Excuse me, how do I get to [insert metro …

I am so sick and tired of explaining myself to my other, less important friends. #DCWeatherPanic — There’s something about weather and D.C. residents that just doesn’t mix. OMG it’s going to snow 30 inches!!! OMG tornados are on the loose! Derecho! Nor’easter! The sad thing is, none of these things ever …

My downward spiral into fantasy football hell is officially at the point of no recovery. We’re no longer landing this thing, we’re managing a crash. I just thank the lord that I had enough sense not to talk a lot of trash when I was 4-0. Restraint is the better part of valor… or something like that. Set, Hut!

This is going to be a rough fantasy rant to write this week given I was on a plane all day Sunday and watched about as much football as Vince Young played – that is to say ZERO. I’ve had to gather my thoughts from highlight reels and internet banter instead of my normal method of watching NFL Redzone for eight hours straight. I may miss some of the dumber things that happened this week, but I should get to most of the good stuff. Pardon me if it’s short this week. In other news I lost all of my fantasy contests again. At least this time I put up respectable scores in my losses. A 38 point effort for a loss hurts more than a 95 point effort for a loss. However, being that close makes you really examine who screwed you in the past week and kept you form the “W.” I’m going to be extra testy with this group this week. I think that’s something Lance Armstrong would like. Let’s play ball.

Last week I told you how well I was doing in all of my fantasy leagues. I even bragged a little about being undefeated in one of them. As you may have guessed… I got my ass waxed this past week.  I’m talking about losing by 40 or more points in three leagues and sputtering to a 38 point finish in one. Tebow’s dad sent me a little reminder about humility. He also sent one to an AFC quarterback on Monday night that we’ll get into in a minute. The moral of the story here is simple – don’t be a real life fantasy asshole. Here we go.

I’ve got be honest with you people, I’m not all that angry this season. You see, I’ve got a winning record in every single one of my leagues and I’m undefeated in one of them. I feel like the Cubs in the World Series at this point. Like butter at Thanksgiving, I’m on a roll. The bad part is that I can’t explain why. I’m assuming I’m just lucky. Here we go.

What a week two in the NFL. We’re going to touch every single issue you’re boiling about and many more. I’d like to address the replacement referee situation in the opening instead of doing it as a bullet point below. It’s important to address this development first and separate from the other noise of the NFL. So, how awesome is it to call bullshit on the officiating team at the top of your drunk lungs during the game and actually be right most of the time? Awesome – that’s what it is – AWESOME. If the NFL required quarterbacks to be fatter and shorter than me, it would be even better. Lace up your panties and pull up your cleats – this going to hurt.

It wouldn’t be a great opening Fantasy Football Rant if I didn’t take the time to quickly let you in on how I lost a Fantasy Football contest before the season even started.  Stories of my failure excite you and give my wife something to tell strangers at the grocery store (we’ll be referring to my wife as “Betty Draper” this season).  It’s a win-win for everybody. One of the founders of FamousDC contacted me a month ago to let me know that a website whose name rhymes with “pantband.com” founded by a guy whose name rhymes with “Shrill Lemons” was holding a contest to see who would be their next fantasy football writer.  Long story short – I entered. I lost. Apparently the secret criteria you had to meet to win was being both stupid and unfunny.  You would have figured I’d be perfect for the job.  At least within the top ten (the number of unfunny idiots they picked to compete in this case) at worst… What does all of that mean for you?  It means I joined 15 fantasy leagues of all different makes and models with many different draft strategies so I would be ready to kick ass if I was picked to compete in that totally stupid aforementioned contest.  Therefore, I’m ready to bitch about more players for more reasons than I have ever before. Shall we?

It’s the final fantasy football rant of the year and I’m as excited to see this crap come to an end as you are.  It’s hard on a guy sucking this bad at something week in and week out, just ask the Redskins.After a long season of bad Chris Berman …

Very mediocre weekend with not a lot of scoring. No, I’m not talking about being married, but I might as well be.  I’ve got some big items to get to so we’re going to make this a Chaz Bono – short on top and fat in the middle. (Second Chaz …

  You guys are going to have to deal with the fact that I had to write this in less than an hour because I have stuff to do re: Jesus’ birthday. Even chumps like me get vacation.  When you gotta go, you gotta go. Let’s get to it: 1. …

As a 27 yr old, straight female – I already feel guilty enough when I check out a hot guy and then look down to see his intern badge of honor hanging from his pleated pants. So you can only imagine how distraught I was as I watched a video …