We all know what DC stands for, literally- but let’s talk about what it means FIGURATIVELY: Drama. City. When the tough gets going up here on the East Coast, DC area residents freak the hell out.
Let’s delve into the world of WINTER TIME in DC, shall we?
Mass DC Text alerts from this number: 1 (210) 100-xxx
Because apparently we need to be told when to put on a coat.
Because if you don’t tweet it, it probably didn’t happen (PS: when you tweet this, it’s most likely 55 degrees).
Skirts & Dresses w/ no pantyhose
Because you’ll be damned if just your peacoat doesn’t keep you warm enough. What are you, the office nymph? Unless you just vacationed in Florida for the weekend, SPARE US. No one wants to see your pasty legs.
Instagramming your red Starbucks cup
Because everyone needs to know you are drinking an extra-hot latte right this minute and enjoying the holiday cheer while doing so. P.S. Eggnog Lattes make you fat.
Photo via Starbucks
Uber to work
Because you sure as hell won’t wait at the bus stop in a little wind gust. No Ubers available? Blasphemy! If you are one of the lucky few to snatch one, prepare for the the worst traffic ever. DC-ers can’t drive in anything less than perfectly clear conditions.
Photo via the Daily Caller
Using your grandfather’s golf umbrella
Because if your umbrella is big enough to cover the patio furniture at Au Bon Pain, it’s too big to be carrying. DOWNSIZE! The person next to you on the sidewalk, whose eyes will now remain in tact, will be forever thankful.
Photo via TBD
Being the guy with no winter coat (or just some shabby North Face)
Hey bro, we all know you’re cold. You’re not fooling anyone.
Thinking of an innovative way to get out of work
Because at 7am they’re calling for 4 inches of snow by noon. You know by noon they will delay the snow until 4. By 4 they confirm it will be a light drizzle, and by that time, you just got out of a day at work. #Skills
Buy an excess of booze
Because you might be snowed in! (This will never happen. But it’s still good to have libations on hand.)
Photo by Valkrye131
Rock those Uggs with your power-suit
Because you did you not listen to the part about investing in a GOOD pair of shoes, now did you? You’re trying to be successful in DC, not middle school.
Photo by Cajodi
Grown up snow days
Because anything more than three snowflakes definitely requires a day off.
Photo by Stuart Zehner