It’s that time again: time to feast on the events happening this weekend. Enjoy weather in the 60s and 70s this weekend by getting out there and weekending as much as possible.

Not feeling reading a 50 page policy paper in your office on a Friday? Want to get off Capitol Hill for a couple hours, but also want it known that you’re doing legitimate work? If you’re working in government and want to save the world (I’m looking at you, almost everyone in DC), check out this amazing day of startup government focused talks at 1776 tomorrow. Register now or read on.

Grace Ma captured this incredible view of a stormcloud-surrounded U.S. Capitol building. Make what metaphors you wish about stormclouds over the Capitol, this is an awesome photo.

Russia is threatening [to mess with America’s GPS] District Flea closing indefinitely [hipsters everywhere feel a disturbance] Bill Clinton can see [what’s inside your heart] RIP “Alien” creator and nightmare dreamer [H.R. Giger] We collectively suck [as a driving population] VA teen kicked out of prom [because dads were ogling …

The Councilwoman got her digs into DC’s local politics with her annual budget spoof letter. She proposes millions for a new class of “SuperDuperCans” that would be large enough to fit old trash receptacles inside. “The SuperDuperCans will be distributed on alternate trash days, and the old cans will certainly …

But the deck is stacked against them. Unfortunately, rules of the “50 Most Beautiful” dictate that the competition is open only to those who “regularly work on Capitol Hill.” So start applying for Hill-related gigs now, Rusty and Bao Bao, and maybe next year could be your most beautiful yet. …

Idiot kid gets arrested when he refuses to sit down at Portugal. The Man [National Zoo concert] The National Mall gets heavy use [so step gently] Marion Barry is being exploited [and coming out with a book] They arrested some Bloods in [Montgomery County] The Silver Line could mean [longer …

It’s been a long three years.

#NATIONAL  Call your momma on Sunday; So… Is Clay Aiken heading to Congress?; “He Monica Lewinsky-ed all on my gown”; the 2014 Football Duke’s Mock Draft and Diary; Is Katie Couric going back to Today?; Net Neutrality huh? Well, seeya later; Missed connections for a-holes; How’d your NFL team do …

We have the best dates (or friend dates) ever lined up for you this weekend. Immerse yourself in comedy, music, embassies, brunch, DJ sets, guitar sets and more.

What are you doing tonight? Is it celebrating the good weather that’s cracked DC open to fun summer-style activities like fresh Southern rock concerts? If that’s not what you’re doing, rethink your Friday night plans. Blackberry Smoke mixes “elements of gospel, bluegrass, arena rock, soul and more than a touch of outlaw country” that boils together like the best homemade preserves you’ve ever tasted. And they’re playing the Fillmore tonight.

You think the DC Taxicab Commission is pissed at Uber now? Wait until you read this: “In a major update to its mobile app, Google Maps will now integrate Uber’s on-demand car service. That means when you’re looking up the route from point A to B in certain cities, the …

Denmark impressively recreated its entire country in painstaking detail in Minecraft, for educational purposes.       Americans came in and made it MURICA. This is why we can’t have nice things.     Read more about this extremely patriotic predicament here.

Look up at your calendar, folks. It’s May — which means spring in the District is finally upon us. Put away your snow boots, stock up on the deodorant and prep yourselves for #DCspring2014. Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered on where to go from here. Wait, is it REALLY here? Ways you know: There’s always  a line out the door of every salad place downtown. Swimsuit season folks. Parking: Ha. Good one. That special dead-of-August feeling is looming. Weather forecasters predict 80 degree weather, not exceeding 90. That’s a mild spring day in the District. Your Google Cal has no availability. You may wait for the bus forever. No, really. As in, it will never arrive. Tourists are taking pictures of everything. Corner of random building? Picture. Group of flowers. Picture. Beer? Picture. You feel your inner athlete resurface, only to one day twist your ankle on a sunrise monument run. Your inner athlete will retreat back to your living room for the remaining warm weather. “IT’S NOT THE HEAT. IT’S THE HUMIDITY!” is always being yelled now. Cherry blo- well, they’re gone now. No Instagram for you. There are too many activities to pick from. All in the same night: your friend’s party, an acquaintance’s party, a spring happy hour, three concerts you want to see. Brunches are getting a lot more aggressive. People are finding really creative places to lay out when the sun’s shining. Prep to Sweat: Throw out that old pair of flip flops you’ve had for 2 years and get some real summer footwear. Air out your seersucker apparel if Derby Weekend didn’t make you do that already. Buy excess sunscreen, bug spray and perfume. Get all koozies in a prominent place in your home for easy access. Familiarize yourself with reading weather radar. You’re gonna need it. Ready your 1 liter reusable water bottle, preferably one that effectively hides booze. Get a few sessions of hot yoga in to simulate the insane heat, humidity and close proximity of strangers you are about to experience. Plot a map of all rooftop bars to consult at a moment’s notice. Plot a map of well air-conditioned, commercial building lobbies to duck into at a moment’s notice. Fluff your couch cushions because everyone you know wants to visit “when it gets warmer.” Major mistake, friends, relatives & obscure college classmates. Find your damned sunglasses. Steel yourself against the crushing loneliness that will inevitably surface when your friends have plans to get out of town, oh, every single weekend. Know that you can always make it that one more block to the bar, no matter how close to collapse you feel. Remind yourself of the best angle at which you can stand to feel the feeble air conditioning drifting out of the columns on underground Metro platforms. Pro-Tips Congress is on recess. PARTY! An umbrella makes an excellent walking stick and tourist tripping device. Ladies: You can wear your hair up 5 days in a row and no one will judge you. The National Mall gets its own zip code when it fills up. You will go to unreasonable lengths to get a ride to a summer festival (aka a $150 Uber ride). Many people in DC have winter climate pups. No one likes a sweat stain, not even the Hollywood for Ugly People. Jazz in the Garden exists. Google it. It’s awesome. It’s also BYOB. Biking in traffic is a lot harder than Capital Bikeshare promotional photos make it out to be. DC “natives” come up with quite creative excuses to partake in a 3-day weekend vacation. Do with this knowledge what you will. The amount you sweat outside will never equal the amount of beer you’re taking in. Sangria: it’s a lifesaver.