It wouldn’t be a great opening Fantasy Football Rant if I didn’t take the time to quickly let you in on how I lost a Fantasy Football contest before the season even started. Stories of my failure excite you and give my wife something to tell strangers at the grocery store (we’ll be referring to my wife as “Betty Draper” this season). It’s a win-win for everybody. One of the founders of FamousDC contacted me a month ago to let me know that a website whose name rhymes with “pantband.com” founded by a guy whose name rhymes with “Shrill Lemons” was holding a contest to see who would be their next fantasy football writer. Long story short – I entered. I lost. Apparently the secret criteria you had to meet to win was being both stupid and unfunny. You would have figured I’d be perfect for the job. At least within the top ten (the number of unfunny idiots they picked to compete in this case) at worst… What does all of that mean for you? It means I joined 15 fantasy leagues of all different makes and models with many different draft strategies so I would be ready to kick ass if I was picked to compete in that totally stupid aforementioned contest. Therefore, I’m ready to bitch about more players for more reasons than I have ever before. Shall we?