1. Beat the last level of Doom.
2. Nothing. The release of an actual birth certificate is just what a foreigner would do.
3. Focus less on registering babies and more on makin’ ’em.
4. Solve the riddle that is … Obama’s missing boating license.
5. Hope that their next conspiracy theory spawns a cooler nickname than “Tea Bagger” or “Birther.”
6. Hold out until the White House posts video of Obama’s actual live birth on YouTube.
7. Glee!
8. Re-label themselves Myrrhthers and begin questioning Jesus’ first birthday gifts.
9. Resume marketing Kate&Wills4Evah head bands and slap bracelets.
10. Boycott viewing NFL draft until Prince “of what?” Amukamara is taken in the 1st round.