In what’s likely the best dolphin show since Ron Bonjean’s days on the mic at the Milwaukee Aquarium, a group of dolphins in Japan have choreographed and performed a true-to-life reenactment of Michael Steele’s Chairmanship of the RNC.
Dolphin # 1 (AKA, the Jumper): Michael Steele
Dolphin #2: Haley Barbour
Dolphin #3: John Boehner
Dolphin #4: Mitch McConnell
Dolphin #5: Eric Cantor
Trainer #1: The News Media
Other Trainers: RNC Staff
The Crowd: All of us.
As the curtain rises, Dolphin Michael Steele has just been elected Chairman. The crowd is excited, and anticipates a good show with the potential to end the supermajority of the Sea Lion Show next door. Other Dolphin Republican leaders are doing their thing–fundraising, entertaining crowds, turning tricks for mackerel, etc. 18 seconds in, Dolphin Michael Steele makes his first gaffe, calling Whale Rush Limbaugh “incendiary” and “ugly.” It looks like he might lose his chairmanship, but he recovers, and relative calm is restored.
40 seconds in, Dolphin Michael Steele makes his next gaffe, claiming the war in Tank 5 is one of Dolphin President Obama’s choosing. Unable to recover, he falls out of the pool. The crowd’s first reaction is surprise, then laughter. RNC staff scramble to save Dolphin Michael Steele, while other Dolphin Party leaders observe and do nothing to help (but to be fair, they don’t do anything to hurt, either…they just kind of stay there, resigned to the fact that this charade will repeat itself until the next show, after which they’ll get a new Dolphin Chairman). During the chaos, Dolphin Eric Cantor announces a book tour, and leaves. The crowd begins to show moderate concern, which eventually turns to horror.
What happens next? Not sure, but we heard Beluga Karl Rove is set to make an appearance.