Recess. It’s a busy time back in the district. But in THE District, it’s about as slow as Doris counting the pennies the latest tourist decided to use to pay for their buffalo wrap.
Back home, the boss is kissing babies (and goodness knows who else) while office work productivity slows as the march towards August continues. So what exactly happens in a Congressional office during this time?
We asked a Hill staffer to walk us through a day in the life. What we got didn’t shock us…but it did make us think twice about paying our taxes.
FamousDC Presents …
A Day in the Life of a Hill Staffer – During Recess
10 a.m. – Wake up on the bathroom floor.
10:02 a.m. – Attempt to recount the drinks you had last night. Give up at 9…but think about how awesome it would be if Katherine Harris could make a ruling.
10:05 a.m. – Hear noise from bedroom. Realize you are not alone.
10:07 a.m.- Commence self-loathing.
10:08 a.m. – Realize it’s your intern calling you back to bed.
10:09 a.m. – Transition from self-loathing to self-congratulation.
10:10 a.m. – Round 2…because why not? The damage is done.
10:15 a.m. – Convince intern to leave through back door and to “play it cool” when at the office.
10:30 a.m. – Enjoy heart healthy breakfast at Jimmy T’s
11:00 a.m. – Arrive at work
11:05 a.m. – Thank the IT dude for finally giving you two monitors.
11:07 a.m. – Apologize to the confused IT dude that you’re still drunk and seeing double.
11:08 – 11:45 a.m. – Scan emails, shuffle papers on desk, nap, line-up lunch plans, check FamousDC, write snazzy Facebook recess status update
11:46 a.m. – Is it lunch time yet?
11:55 a.m. – On your way to lunch, ignore intern sitting at the front desk, even though you’re now legally married in three states.
12:00 – 2 p.m. – Lunch at Tortilla Coast; drop a few lines from FamousDC and chat about why Howard Kurtz sold out Patrick Gavin.
2:45 – 3:45 p.m. – Scan emails, use auto-pen to approve August vacation requests, scan Congress Daily PM, check FamousDC again, try to answer LastCall! Swizzle, answer comments on Facebook status update
3:50 p.m. – Tell co-workers you’re headed to an afternoon “workshop.”
4 p.m. – Leave work
4:15 p.m. – Accidentally check into Cap Lounge on Foursquare
6:00 p.m. – Six deep
7 p.m. – Text intern and request the return of your staff ID from yesterday.
10 p.m. – Text intern (again).
10:30 p.m. – Apologize for being “weird,” and explain to the intern that things “are just tough at work now,” and that you’d like to keep seeing each another, but only at non-Hill locations (and your C St. SE basement apartment).
11:30 p.m. – Briefly consider the consequences of your actions.
11:31 p.m. – Take intern home, share your etchings.
Next day: repeat