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David Drucker has decided to forgo his Roll Call promotion and instead become a dog whisperer.  And while this new adventure might come as a surprise to those who know the tough-nosed reporter, it’s no secret that David has an uncanny ability to walk large packs of dogs at a time.

Although it’s rumored that Drucker doesn’t even like dogs, or even own one, he does have a Cesar Millan ring tone on his blackberry.  He also claims his love for Garfield cartoons will give him the experience needed to be a masterful pack leader.  When it was revealed to Drucker that Garfield was a cat, he had, “no comment.”

Patrick Gavin finally says no to a third consecutive weekend of free booze, courtesy of people trying to buy him off, and instead has decided to bunker down and write a his much-anticipated book. His latest work, a coloring book for bored press secretaries unable to garner media attention for their bosses, is sure to become a NY Times best-seller.  It’s also rumored that Gavin’s book has Garrett Graff in a tizzy, which has led to wide speculation that there might be a public duel at the 9:30 Club later this month. Both Gavin and Graff have begun lining up media allies, with Emily Heil leading the effort for Team Graff and Sue Davis leading the effort for Team Gavin.  Jay Rupert has apparently been chosen to serve as the independent referee.  No, the match does not involve midgets or jello.

Chris Frates is training to become a caged fighter. Outraged at being left off of the FamousDC Media Ticket, and unable to personally locate the FDC editors to complain, Frates has instead taken to emailing the FDC tip line with pictures of his weight lifting successes and hinting at some sort of future cage match. FamousDC editors, scared for their lives, recently offered Mr. Frates a Famous 5 interview, which now currently sits in a Politco inbox awaiting approval. Although Frates seems to be off the ‘roids, he can still be found at Gold’s Gym before work, at lunch, and immediately after work. We were unable to confirm if he carries a black and white photo of Mr. T for inspiration, but we do know he wears very stylish shorts while pumping iron.

Howard Mortman, known for his straightforward and sometimes misunderstood behavior, has signed on with UPN to host his very own Family Court TV show.  Although Mortman isn’t exactly qualified to be a “real” judge, he has appeared as a guest judge on ABC’s Dancing With the Stars. It’s unclear as to who his bailiff will be, but early speculation points to Paul Bedard or one of Bedard’s strange bobble head dolls.