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No intro this week.  This is serious.

1.  I bet you started Larry Johnson again this week instead of dropping his duck footed ass for Ray Rice-and beans of the Baltimore Ravens.  Mr. Rice-and beans scooted himself to 17 fantasy points without scoring a touchdown.  Get yourself a nice flour tortilla and keep an eye on Ray Rice-and beans.

2.  Do you remember Koren Robinson?  Don’t worry, he was hammered when he met you and doesn’t remember you either.  Robinson was kicked off the Viking’s team for drinking like a 45 year-old divorced shoe salesman about a year ago.  Somehow he’s back with the Seahawks who are so thin at wide receiver they put a call into former Rep. Steve Largent to see if he’d step in and help.  Robinson put up 16 points on 4 catches for a 105 yards and a TD.  Don’t draft him.  Listen to me.  You don’t just quit being a superstar athlete with a frat boy drinking problem – it never happens.  Ask John Daly.

3. Calvin Johnson is averaging more than 11 fantasy points a game for you; IF you were lucky enough to see this guy sitting on the wire a few weeks ago.  Since the departure of Roy Williams to the hapless Cowboys, Calvin has been great.  Notably not in impressed with Calvin’s performance – Hobbes.

4.  I waited until the very end of Monday night’s game to put these words to paper – Kurt Warner nets top fantasy points this week at age 63.  The Denny’s Early Bird Special spokesperson was 23 of 34 for 342 and two (dos, 2) TDs for a whopping 21 fantasy points.  I’m guessing his wife is on the phone with St. Louis radio stations right now talking mad shit.  If you don’t get that last reference to Warner’s elderly wife, then you need to take your latte drinking ass out of my post and go find a soccer game to watch.

5.  I guess we sharted the pants with Jay Cutler this year.  Starting him every week hoping he’s going to slap 30 plus on the board is getting to be like wishing your wife skinny – not going to happen.

6.  Tyler Thigpen (QB Chiefs) may play for the worst team in the NFL, and quite possibly the ACC, but he’s put up back to back 21 point games.  Do what you think you need to do here; just don’t blame me when he defecates in his place of rest.

7.  RBs were a mixed bag this week with no one really setting the place on fire.  One name that is at the top of the list is Broncos’ running back Peyton Hillis (he’s white and a RB).  Peyton “Whitey” Hillis scored 17 fantasy points and took not one ball in the backfield.  For some reason Shanahan had “Whitey” lining up as a receiver the entire day and he managed to score some points.  Would I go out and get Peyton “the White Devil” Hillis off of the waiver wire?  No.  Remember, this is Mike Shanahan we’re talking about here.  One day this guy is the featured back, and the next he’s in Detroit stealing his replacement’s luggage.  If you didn’t get that last reference – get the hell off this post and go find a tennis forum somewhere before I summon Chuck Todd.

8.  Green Bay loses to the Tennessee Titans in overtime.  No Favre and no Titans I can name off hand = watching Cops for three hours straight on the cable channel for hillbillies.

9.  Cowboys lose again this week.  There’s a 50/50 chance they don’t rack up a loss during their bye week.  If Wade Phillips doesn’t have his office packed already, he’s dumber than we thought.  You know what separates Al Davis and Jerry Jones? About 1,400 miles and a fashion consultant.

10. Big Ben Rothletsgogetaburger’s passer rating for week nine was 15.1.  His fantasy haul was six.  I don’t care if he is the QB with a backwards hat “OG,” he sucks.  The only thing worse than Big Ben’s performance was the opposing QB’s effort.  Jason Campbell got a four.  Yes a four.  Quatro.  Combined these guys were worth one tight end name Derek Fine who put 10 fantasy points for Buffalo.

11. Kyle Orton… damn you Orton! Injured!  I better not find you in your mother’s basement playing Guitar Hero for 15 hours straight while you’re recovering.

12.  There were nine defenses this week in the NFL that scored 10 or more fantasy points.  At this point in the season LT has only three more fantasy points than the Bucs’ defense.

13.  How’s that early Reggie Bush draft pick grabbing you right now?  About the same as those who picked up Romo too early.  There’s something about dating chicks with reality shows.  Maybe LenDale White should have eaten Reggie after college to create a really fat and agile running back who can catch the ball and date Persian chicks with ghetto accents.

14.  HOLD THE PRESSES!  The NFL soccer brigade managed to have 10 kickers with 10 or more points and not one of them were named Gramatica. Some guy named Dan “I used to be a Jewish” Carpenter put up 17 for the Miami Tuna.  So much for the soccer part of the game being unproductive.

15.  The Raiders had 77 yards of total offense last week.  This is getting out of hand.  They should move back to L.A. and sneak USC into the locker room every Sunday.  Art Shell said to be waiting by the phone.

16.  The Cleveland Skid Marks have decided to bench last year’s one game phenom, Derek Anderson in favor of their highly paid benchwarmer, Brady Quinn.   Matt Leinart could not be reached for comment, he was busy laying out with the Cardinals cheerleaders behind the practice field.

17.  Favre again employed his, “throw the ball to the other team to win,” strategy to great success against buffalo last week.  He scored six fantasy points on the way to your loss.  It’s been five weeks since his 33 point explosion against the Cardinals – he’s due.  I take that back.  No, he’s due.  No…  Something big will happen and some wranglers will be sold no matter what.

18.  The Broncos and the Browns do battle in a Thursday night game this week.  You won’t see it because the sinking economy means you can’t afford to get the NFL channel.  Somebody tell the NFL that they’re going to have to do better than Broncos vs. Browns to get me to shell out cash to see the game.