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This is admittedly way harsh, but it’s all in jest. Jezebel came up with a field guide to the U.S. of Bros, and we see a little of each bro listed in our very own hometown D.C. bros.

Here’s the overall DC brah. Is this accurate? Don’t forget: Ladies can be bros too (although maybe not in the below description).

The D.C. Bro

Uniform: Vineyard Vines pants, lacrosse jersey, croakies.
Lobbyist, consultant, or something random on The Hill.
One of, like, three Georgetown bars where bros go.
Googling self. Name dropping. Attending Georgetown basketball games even though mostly did not go to Georgetown.
Secret shame:
Knows job is totally unnecessary, is aware of his own irrelevance. Is horrible at lacrosse.
Celeb brospiration:
Paul Ryan

One commenter made it feel a little more familiar:

“D.C. Bro’s hobbies should include more league activities. Softball, bocce, beer pong, horseshoes — D.C. Bro is already registered in advance for all of the fun his summer can handle, and he helped design the tshirt. Isn’t this a hilarious tshirt? Do you even kickball, bro?”