Republicans, who don’t have much to do these days that doesn’t involve sitting back and watching the Dem on Dem violence, recently "discovered" a letter penned by Speaker Nancy Pelosi.
47 Federal Street
Springfield, Mass. 01101
Thank you for your many years of valuable service to all Americans. We want to call attention, however, to several updates that are suggested for your publication, which you call the “dictionary.” The old must give way to the new, and our Nation finds itself with a requirement for New Definitions to match our New Directions. I just know you will adhere without exception to the following courteous suggestions for change, because change is a good thing and because the children are our future:
Some of the words included:
Entry: transparent Pronunciation: trans-pear-ant
Old Definitions (1) open to examination, frank, candid, easily understood, very clear, (2) obsolete use: traditional method of legislating in the House Energy and Commerce Committee
New Definitions (2) all acts which occur in the speaker’s office behind closed doors (this application is mandatory), (2) all Democratic health care legislation considered in the U.S. House of Representatives, (3) this week’s House schedule
Entry: briefing Pronunciation: bree-fing.
Old Definition (1) a meeting at which a detailed plan of action, especially by the military or intelligence services, is explained to persons of consequence
New Definition (1) a meeting that never happened, at which no plans were explained at all, and quit asking.
And in case you were wondering if this letter was real, the clever Republicans on the Energy & Commerce Committee wrote:
“Can it be real?” Nah, we concluded, “this must be an appalling counterfeit concocted by some dullard to annoy the speaker.” Then we wondered, “Can it be something even less?” At that point your press office became dreadfully confused by all its feckless wondering. All that was left was for us to submit the suspicious document to your competent consideration of any truths it might accidentally contain.
Glad to know things are going so well in the House … this sure beats organizing Longworth boycotts .