I opted to buy a sh**load of clothes this weekend instead of paying my rent on time.

I threw three diet soda cans in the trash today instead of getting up to walk the 30 feet to the recycling bin.

I forced three skinny girls to walk in succession this evening instead of yielding the sidewalk a few inches to their lithesome frames.

I wore my sunglasses on the metro rather than make obligatory eye contact with the geek to my right and the sweet old lady to my left.

I sent a random text message to my ex-husband on his wedding day just to f*** with his new wife all the while feigning genuine glad tidings.

I let my friend Charlie slide his hand up my thigh last night with no intention of letting him do anything more.

I’m listening to Jimi Hendrix sing All Along the Watchtower at max volume despite my neighbor’s early morning rise time.

Pretended to be busy on my Blackberry while I was getting a pedicure so I wouldn’t have to hold a conversation with the Asian girl working on my toes.

Told a friend they should come visit this weekend instead of attending his grandmother’s 85th birthday party simply because I wanted some attention. I’m sure she’ll see 86.

Stole one more clean breath from my lungs as I sucked down my 12th cigarette of the day.

Didn’t feel the need to give my liver the night off.

Told my friend I was working late so I wouldn’t have to listen to his lamentations about being jobless and broke.

Covets thy neighbor’s “wife.”

“Cause I’m a voodoo child. Lord knows I’m a voodoo child baby. I want to say one more last thing. I didn’t mean to take up all your sweet time. I’ll give it right back to ya one of these days.” -Jim Hendrix