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A new CNET article wants to know:

"As Facebook works its way toward a probable IPO, the big question is: how can it show it can make money? Well, one way–and I’m not the first to suggest it–would be to charge a nominal monthly fee. With that in mind, I ask a simple question: how much would you be willing to pay to use Facebook per month?"

To answer their question with another question: Are you high?

If Facebook wants to enact the crock-pot method of doing business, (slow and overcooked) that’s their prerogative- but we’re guessing it’ll be about as popular as Miss California at a Gay Pride parade. If they’d like to live another day, they might consider taking our advice.

Open Letter to Facebook re: charging us four quarters a month:

Is it really fair to punish Facebookers who use that world renowned social network to raise awareness of groups such as: "I flip my pillow over to get to the cold side" and other those dedicated to timeless questions such as "Why do Monday’s exist, ugh"? Why on Earth would we want to silence the voices of these creative users who do this planet so much good? If it weren’t for Facebook, how would we protest things like the fact that "My mom makes me clean up for my cleaning lady"?

Our advice: Instead of charging $1 a month to people who actually use the service for all the right reasons, Facebook should consider charging people who abuse the system.

What qualifies as abuse? [we’re glad you asked]

1. Status abusers: Look no further than here to figure out what qualifies as status abuse.
2. Over-frienders: If you’ve never met the person you just added as a friend, this new system will put a quick end to that. If you really want 1000 friends, it’ll cost you.
3. People who take quizzes: *Hint, nobody gives a flying leap what your "Favorite 5 ice cream flavors" are and from now on, you take a quiz, you pay a dollar.
4. Abusive photo taggers: Use your judgment, people. If we look look like we just got worked over by a gaggle of UFC fighters, don’t tag us. If we’re so drunk we pose for pictures like this , don’t tag us.
5. Misleading profile pictures: If you don’t look anything like your picture, it’ll cost you. And for those of you that use avatars , that’ll cost you two dollars.
6. Friend suggesters: It’s not your job to suggest to us who our friends should be. That practice alone is about as worn out as Jane Harman’s Rolodex. If it’s that urgent that somebody find us on Facebook, there’s a damn good chance they’ll find us on their own.
7. Pokers: We don’t know what poking is, but if you’re ever caught doing it, you should be charged $1 a day until you publicly apologize.
8. Inappropriate Facebooking: If you Facebook on the day of your wedding, from the bedroom, at the gym or while you’re doing work on the John, you will be charged a minimum of a dollar.

If Facebook is looking for a better business model, we can assure them this one will make them millions a day. Until then, check us out on Facebook.