‘Twas the week before Christmas and up on the Hill
The voices of DREAMERS are disrupting the still.
Chanting and singing and marching galore
As staffers sit wishing they could lock the front door.
Cheers and applause ring from both chambers,
Republican staffers and planning their bangers,
To celebrate the passing of historic tax reform
A rare GOP victory that’s out of the norm.
A government shutdown poses a threat
To the staffers who haven’t left Washington yet.
They sit at their desks, feelings a jitter
As they wait for updates from the #fakenews on Twitter.
The events of this year are beyond belief
And staffers will let out sighs of relief
As they ditch the swamp for some holiday cheer
And say good riddance to one hell of a year.
But wait, there are still a couple days left
For the government to perpetrate a miserable theft
Of a peaceful vacation, and time away
Replacing it instead with additional days
Of fighting, resignations, and congressional bloviating
The type of stuff Americans find infuriating.
But it wouldn’t be Washington without the drama
And without the stories to share with your mama.
You great uncle Herman is dying to know
How investigations at the FBI are going to go.
“Will Trump be impeached, Clinton indicted?
Were you there for Comey’s testimony? Why not, weren’t you invited?
Does the President speak Russian?
Will Mueller be fired?
Is your boss safe from scandal?
Jeez, you look tired.”
We’ll all shake our heads as we gulp down a drink,
And pretend not to hear and try not to think
Of the mess that awaits us back in DC
And the circus that’s bound to be 2018.
So cheers to the staffers, this year’s been a ride.
We won’t make you admit to how many times you cried
Or questioned the system, the electoral process
And prayed for an end to the endless nonsense.
We may all complain, whine and sigh
But the simple truth that we can’t deny
Is that we love the swamp and live for the thrill
The chances to prove our political skill.
The friendships made, the rivalries kept
The social trolling we did while our enemies slept.
We’ll think of it often while we sit at home
And miss the action under the white shining dome.
So let’s raise a glass to a year to remember,
An exhausting journey that led to December.
To the promises made, the promises kept,
To the days we laughed and the days we wept.
A toast to the battles not yet fought,
Remembering our efforts are never for naught.
I wish you a holiday full of cheer,
And enough rest so we can do battle in the New Year.