Christmas is just around the corner, and if you’re organized, you’ve probably gotten gifts for most of your family and friends. If not, we wish you luck in the malls of America as you fight someone over the last remaining pumpkin spice candle.
But there are a few people you’re forgetting. 2016 has been the year of the politician, and they need gifts too. Democrat or Republican, everyone deserve a little something this holiday season, so here’s our guide:
President Barack Obama
Obama ended his last press conference of the year by saying, “Mele Kalikimaka” — Merry Christmas in Hawaiian — before jetting off to the Big Island. To Barry, we gift a surfboard, so he can catch a wave off into the sunset after inauguration day.
Vice President Joe Biden
Our Vice President would probably be overjoyed by a simple hug on Christmas day, but he deserves a little something in his stocking. For Joe, we gift an endless supply of ice cream, so that he can always double-fist two cones at once like a champ.
To Mitt, we gift a spa day. After the past few weeks, it seems like he needs it.
Since November 9, Hillary has generally kept to herself, only to be spotted in the deep woods of Chappaqua. To Hillz, we gift a Katy Perry concert and some hard-core hiking boots for the rugged winter terrain.
This guy has had a year. He lost the Republican primaries, accidentally punched his wife in the face, and was accused of being the Zodiac Killer. To Cruz, we gift a bucket of queso, because he’s kinda weirdly obsessed with it.
— Jordan Rudner (@jrud) December 7, 2016
To all the politicians out there: Happy Holidays, and good luck in 2017.