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If you’re in Cleveland and getting ready to head over to the Quicken Loans Arena, you might want to double check your bag. The city released a very long, very detailed list of what you can bring into the convention and what you can’t, and we’ve got to say, it’s pretty hilariously specific.


So, for the safety of the candidates and delegates, please remove the following from your purse:

  • Grappling hooks: we know these are fun and make you feel like a spy, but they have no place in the Quicken Loans arena. Remove this from your briefcase or your favorite grappling hook will be confiscated.
  • Canned goods: everyone knows that canned goods are extremely dangerous. Especially beans. (To be honest, we think this one might be a jab at Obama: “No, We CAN’t”… get it?)
  • Containers of bodily fluids: just don’t do this. Please don’t.
  • Sleeping bags: get a hotel in Cleveland. There are a lot, and we even got some great tips from one of them.

In case you had any of those things and promptly removed them from your bag, we recommend you check out the rest of the ban list here:

  • Lumber larger than 2” in width and ¼” thick, including supports for signs
  • Metal, plastic, or other hard material larger than ¾” thick and 1/8” in wall thickness including pipe and tubing
  • Any air rifle, air pistol, paintball gun, blasting caps, switchblade or automatic knife, knife having a blade two and one-half (2-1/2) inches in length or longer, cestus, billy, blackjack, sword, saber, hatchet, axe, slingshot, BB gun, pellet gun, wrist shot, blackjack, metal knuckles, nun chucks, mace, iron buckle, axe handle, shovel, or other instrumentality used to cause property or personal damage
  • Any explosives, explosive device, or incendiary device
  • Fireworks and rockets
  • Sound Amplification Equipment
  • Drones and other unmanned aircraft systems
  • Containers of bodily fluids
  • Aerosol cans
  • Mace, Pepper Spray or other chemical irritant
  • Umbrellas with metal tips
  • Any projectile launchers, such as water guns and water cannons
  • Rope, chain, cable, strapping, wire, string, line, tape, or any similar material, in lengths greater than 6’
  • Glass bottles, ornaments, light bulbs, ceramic vessels, and any other frangible container, regardless of whether the container holds any substance
  • Locks including, without limitation, padlocks, bicycle locking devices, chain locks or similar devices, but not including: (i) an integral component of a conveyance or structure; (ii) locks when utilized by the owner of private real property to secure permanent or temporary fencing; or (iii) locks attached to a bicycle
  • Any gas mask or similar device designed to filter all air breathed by the wearer in an attempt to protect the respiratory tract and/or face against irritating or noxious gasses or other materials. This prohibition on gas masks shall not apply to any person wearing a medical oxygen mask that fits over the nose and mouth of the person and provides oxygen from an oxygen tank to the person
  • Tents and other shelters, sleeping bags, sleeping pads, mattresses, cots, hammocks, bivy sacks, or stoves
  • Coolers or ice chests
  • Backpacks and bags exceeding the size of 18” x 13” x 7”
  • Lasers
  • Non-plastic containers, bottles, cans, or thermoses
  • Ladders
  • Grappling hooks, sledgehammers, hammers, and crowbars
  • Canned goods
  • Tennis balls

Stay safe out there, and watch out for canned beans.