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As proud gold medalists in the Fittest Cities in America challenge (for the third year in a row, but who’s keeping track?), we think it’s crucial to live up to our reputation, or at least brag about it here. Fitness comes in all forms so with it being International Yoga Day and this being DC, we decided to put something special together because that’s what we do.

For those of us out there that are not true yogis, myself included, taking a yoga class can be very difficult and intimidating. To make matters worse, the instructor calls out these crazy-named poses and everyone in the room knows exactly what he’s talking about, except for us. That’s why we decided to rename those complicated yoga poses into names you’ll actually understand and remember. As a bonus, you’ll realize you’ve been doing much more yoga in every day life than you’ve been given credit for.

Disclaimer: these names are completely made up, so in order to avoid sounding like an idiot in your next yoga session, use the real names in parentheses.


The “Do my Feet Smell Yet?” Pose (Archer’s Pose):



The “This is my Attempt at Keeping My Legs Together While Sitting in a Skirt” Pose (Bharadvja’s Twist):



The “I Think I Can Button These Jeans if I Really Really Try” Pose (Bridge Pose):



The “I Think I’m Gonna Puke” Pose (Cat Pose):



The “Looking for Loose Change Under the Couch.. Look, A Dorito” Pose (Cow Pose):


So that’s where my charger went.


The “No Really, Can Someone Please Help Me Get Up” Pose (Chair Pose):



The “Bow Down B*tches” Pose (Child’s Pose):



The “Me Every Friday Night and Monday Morning” Pose (Corpse Pose):




The “I’ve Got an Itch I Can’t Scratch” Pose (Cow Face Pose):



The “I’ve Never Been So Hungover In My Life” Pose (Crocodile Pose):


Okay, well at least since last weekend..


The “Look! I’m Rose from Titanic” Pose (Mountain Pose):



The “Wait, Can You Get Me Some Water too While You’re at It” Pose (Sphinx Pose):



The “Do I Need a Pedicure?” Pose (Staff Pose):



The “I’m a Genie in a Bottle” Pose (Tree Pose):


Channeling my inner Christina


The “Slo-mo Lunge to Catch my iPhone Before it Drops” Pose (Warrior 2 Pose):


Well, now I’ve got another crack to add to my screen.


The “Do My Legs Look Fat in These Jeans?” Pose (Downward Facing Dog):



So there ya have it. You are officially a yogi (or do enough to pretend to be one). Now that that’s over with, namaste in crocodile pose for the rest of the day.


*Places hands in prayer form and bows head*