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The Washington Nationals owner asked the mayor for a $300m retractable roof on Nats stadium, paid for by taxpayers. The Mayor said no.  Here’s how we’d spend that money, if we got it.

1. Escorted motorcades for everyone
2. Buy Chipotle for everyone in DC for a SOLID WEEK.
3. Shutdown Piggy Bank Fund
4. The first Nationals game in space
5. 300,000,000 $1 beers
6. An intricate system of skyway bike lanes so bikers would shut up for once
7. Parking under the National Mall 50 levels deep so drivers would shut up for once
8. New coach and quarterback set for the Washington Redskins
9. 30,000,000 umbrellas
10. Open less hellish DMVs in DC
12. Teleportation to NoVA
13. A new Healthcare.gov (in exchange for autonomous governance)
14. DC’s First Public Yacht
15. New Metro Escal- who the hell are we kidding, new Metro teleportation devices
16. Free beer in Nationals Park for 30 years

Photo by Fred King