Remember a couple of months ago when we all celebrated Fiscal Cliffmass? Well, Congress was at it again this month with news that the White House was considering cancelling the annual Easter Egg Roll due to the sequester. Luckily the roll will go on, but as the sequester continues, other holidays might not get so lucky. Here are some thoughts on what could happen to the holiday industry:
New Year’s Eve. Ball Drop? Don’t think so. Also, celebrations have been sequestered so parties won’t start till 11:50 p.m. and will end promptly at 12:05 a.m. Prepare for Andre instead of Dom.
Valentine’s Day. CBO is projecting that budget gifts and wilted bargain barrel flowers will result in a significantly higher number of single individuals in the next Census.
Saint Patrick’s Day. None of the rainbows will end in a pot o’ gold.
Easter. In addition to no White House Easter Egg Roll, the budget for Bo’s bunny ears will undoubtedly be impacted.
Cinco de Mayo. This is a made up holiday. Kind of like how we inflicted the sequester on ourselves. Regardless, both call for tequila.
Fourth of July. Does America really need to celebrate its birthday? At age 237, no one would judge us for starting to lie about our age.
Arbor Day. Doesn’t get enough love as it is. If we sequester this holiday, there will be no one left speaking for the trees.
Halloween. All costumes will be downgraded to ghosts made from sheets with holes for eyes. Trick or Treating will be Charlie Brown style: rocks for everyone!
Thanksgiving. Can you say belt tightening? The turkeys hoping to be pardoned by the President better watch out. No one is safe.
Hanukkah. So much for eight crazy nights. How about four?
Christmas. Furloughed elves. Budget cuts will cause Santa’s little helpers to take unpaid leave and Christmas will be cancelled. Tim Allen may have made this movie already…