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Welcome to a new FamousDC feature called, “Intern It Down.”

We’ll be posting regular intern updates from across the District and encourage you to send in your stories: [email protected]

Today’s installment was written by a guest contributor that we’ll call: “DC Wife Snake”

FamousDC presents … Intern It Down: Capitol Casanova

I was one of the few fortunate hill staffers who never suffered through an internship, Summer or otherwise. My summers were spent with a six pack and a kiddie pool, and I’d like to think I turned out just fine. Not having been an intern, I never had to worry about inter-intern dating (or staffer-intern dating, an entirely different post, for another time). As an intern coordinator, I do, however, hear about the ups and downs, ins and outs of intern romance.

A friend recently told me about a male intern who ended up being quite the Recess Romeo. Not only did he have a long-distance lady on another coast, he came to the hill bragging of a girl he had back at school. Not one to limit his options, he was lucky enough to intern for a committee which coordinated a lot with a Member office, with three other eligible ladies, a factor he took advantage of. Although not in the Member office, he came by enough to see how the dynamics worked (not different from most offices) cramped quarters, no secrets. He decided he would roll the dice and work his way through the interns, taking some of them to lunch or on weekend dates, hoping they wouldn’t discover he had done the same thing with the others. Having far more coordination than I’ve ever had, he managed to pull it off.

Then, the girlfriend came into town. It was interesting to hear how he managed to juggle this. Hide her from the personal office? How would he get a capitol tour? How would the rest of the staff get a chance to meet the A team? He ended up bringing the girl by, introduced her to staff, and acted as if nothing was unusual when bringing her around the other interns. Then, the long-awaited Capitol tour. If that’s considered a date, I’m even more glad I never intern-dated. One of the aforementioned lady interns of course wanted to take him and his “friend” on the tour. Why not, after all, he had explained to her that they were just friends. Then comes the complicated part. How would he get through the Capitol tour without the girlfriend acting suspicious?

You see, there is a little-known rule in the Capitol which has largely been forgotten, but is valuable to the historical significance and reverence of the building and all those who have walked the halls before us: the public displays of affection rule. You see, public displays of affection in the Capitol are frowned upon, everything from kissing, hugging, even hand-holding is strictly forbidden. At least that’s what the intern told the girlfriend. All the while, they behaved as if they were strictly platonic, so that the she-intern was none the wiser. Somehow, he managed to pull it off, to live another day in the land of limitless intern-dating possibilities. It’s rather shocking, especially considering how many interns act like they’ve never even spoken to a female before.

I would say that he’s a scum-bag but in actuality, not only does he have brass balls, he was creative enough to come up with the whole (successful) rouse. I see a bright future for that kid. After all, one day, when put on the spot, he might be able to say “With Certitude” that it wasn’t he who was seen in the photo, breaking the Capitol’s PDA rule.

Do you know someone who interns too hard? We’d love to know how you got them to In-tern it down a notch. So let us know, we’d love to hear about them, and share their lessons with the world. Don’t be shy: [email protected]

FamousDC wants to thank DC Wife Snake for the wild accounts of the Capitol’s interns.

And remember interns, stay classy.