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If a government shuts down in the woods and no one’s there to hear it, does that mean Nader is President?

Below are the Top 10 Things to Do When the Government Shuts Down:

10. Find another way to check email that doesn’t involve your government owned blackberry

9. Realize that all you ever wanted to do was read, and now that you don’t have to work, and the world has ended, and your local library is un-staffed, and you have something to live for–reading all the books you ever thought about with all the time you ever wanted–you sit down you stumble a tad, and your glasses–the only necessary thing for you to read–fall from your face and break.

8. Shots!

7. Update LinkedIn profile

6. Apply to law school

5. Interview in the private sector

4. Donate plasma

3. Play air hockey with your useless blackberries

2. Talk about how awesome it was when you used to get paid by the government

1. Go to Vegas and see Louie Anderson LOL, because multiple levels of irrelevance is funny.

Note: NFL players…Worst. Role models. Ever.

RELATED: Washingtonian’s Debra Bruno: Government Shutdown 2011: How Would It Impact Washington?

Will your garbage pile up in the street? Do you have to go to work?

And Roll Call talks to tourists:

National Journal: From the White House to the Big House?

White House staffers face the threat of up to two years in jail if they use their work-issue BlackBerries during a government shutdown, sources told National Journal.

Thank God for Twitter: #ShutDownPickUpLines

@delrayser The only thing nonessential about you are those pants. #shutdownpickuplines
@Neda_Semnani Baby, you know you’re special, because my Boehner would never compromise #shutdownpickuplines #pleasedontfireme