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We have quite a few friends on Facebook, and like most of you, we haven’t met about 70% of them.  [and let’s be honest, we’re fine with that]  However, for the ones we do know, [and have met] we have a bone to pick; it involves the overuse of the Facebook photo tag.

First of all, the act of tagging a photo on Facebook is a privilege, not a right.  Zuckerberg, if he wasn’t busy getting photo-bombed by Sen. Warner, would agree.  For the ones of you [and they’re many] who continue to tag heinous pictures of your friends, [us included] below are a few guidelines we’d like you to follow:

  1. If we look like we just came off a three-day bender, [which is entirely possible] don’t tag us.
  2. If we look like we spent six consecutive hours riding an exercise bike in the attic, don’t tag us. #kevinjames
  3. If the picture you tag reveals two chins instead of one, don’t tag us. [Same goes for three, four or five]
  4. If you’re going through your yearbook from junior high and just so happen to stumble upon photo scanning technology, don’t tag us.
  5. If we’re giving a one-fingered salute, [however deserving the recipient might be] don’t tag us.
  6. If we’re not wearing a shirt, it’s a close call, but … don’t tag us. *See #3
  7. Any picture that involves us posing with a cat, don’t even think about it.
  8. If the picture involves us straddling something, don’t tag us. *See also 10.
  9. If we’re smoking something that looks like it might have been rolled by a guy named Hinzy, don’t tag us.
  10. And the number one rule:  If you’re drunk, you’re not allowed to tag anything. [roommates included].  While it might seem like fun right then, it will always suck in the morning.

Related: The Facebook Accountability Venture