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President Obama is going to cause some serious yo-yo dieting unless he clears up the contradictory headlines running in today’s news…

Headline 1: "Barack Obama’s gov’t-mandated diet plan" [time to slim down]

President Barack Obama eats his vegetables and exercises every day — and he really wants you to do the same.

Headline 2: World hangs on Obama’s every bite [burgers and pizza]

Pizza from St. Louis, pancakes from Pittsburgh. A juicy burger or a chili half-smoke in D.C., soul food in Chicago. Our new president eats something and the world wants to eat it, too.

We’re so confused we don’t know whether we should hit up McDonalds or the salad bar.

Note: Obama should tap Oprah as diet czar.  [because we don’t have enough of those]