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Hey FamousDC gurus. Everyone’s freaking out back in D.C. Here’s how you stop thinking about Twitter and start thinking about something tangible. Feel free to email, fax, print and shred this post. I don’t care. I would normally put in an “Ali G” quip RIGHT HERE, but he’s not cool anymore. So here the deal. It’s entertaining, I promise…
THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM
I’m sitting here drinking a cup of Zabar’s coffee by the pool reflecting on the outcome of the election and its meaning for the GOP. I like to sit in the morning silence, see the reflections in the water and the sun making the mosaic at the bottom of my pool seem to glow (I don’t know why I wrote that, but it looks that way, so deal with it, dude. Read on.) I reflect and look back at situations in order to analyze them. It also soothes the nerves after having been up all night watching the NIKKEI drop like rock… wondering if I should buy Ford stock so I can get a good dividend paying stock for less than two bucks before Pelosi bails them out and the stock soars again.
I’m sitting by the pool and I see paranoia grip GOP intelligentsia *cough*. I see people overreacting to a situation so easily rectifiable (don’t pull a Beavis and Butthead here) that it boggles the mind. I see Patrick Ruffini, Sean Oxendine, Erick Erickson and a sandlot of alleged strategists fighting like kids in a playground over the need for GOP “realignment” and “a complete change in strategy.” It seems to me like they’re trying to advance their personal objectives, but that’s a subject too long to discuss here.
Sure, the conservatives got sonned (look it up at urbandictionary.com) by Barack Obama. As the illustrious Tupac Shakur (may his name be praised) once said: “Lemme break it down for you, homie.” Here it is:
WHAT TUPAC WOULD SAY
– The guy with the $600 million advertising campaign beat the guy with the $84 million dollar ad campaign. (Actually it’s more like McCain had $75 million, because the audit on public financing dollars costs about $9 million, which they set aside. This means there’s a gap of $525 million).
In Tupac terms, let me put it to you like this:
Let’s say you work for Nike and you’re releasing a basketball shoe in the same quarter (that’s a business term, folks) as Adidas is releasing their shoe.
Both shoes are basketball shoes – so you’re going after market dominance in one demographic. Nike gets a $600 million dollar budget for advertising for their shoe. Adidas gets $80 million for their shoe.
Which shoe are people going to buy more of? (I suck at grammar, you have a problem with that?) Remember, there’s a reason why there are so many ads on TV – because advertising works. How many LeBron James commercials are you going to see for Nike with their huge budget? A lot more than ads with Kobe Bryant promoting Adidas.
Everyone will be saturated with Nike commercials, Nike PR, press reps sending video press kits to local stations that tout “new Nike technology” BS in the Nike shoe, and the reporters – being lazy, run the video clips.
Which shoe is going to get market dominance? Unless you have the IQ of roadkill on a backroad in Appalachia – the answer is Nike. But Adidas… they’re holding their own – they have 45% of the market share, which means you still have a lot of Adidas fans out there. Nike outspent you on advertising by an astronomical sum and have the rest of the market share, but people are still buying Adidas. Though Adidas lost market dominance (ie the “shoe election”) their profit per shoe is stunning. The problem is… they wanted market dominance, and they lost it.
If you’re Adidas, do you freak out and say: “we need to restructure the company because we had a $525 million dollar advertising gap with Nike?” No. You say… we need to get a bigger advertising budget for our next shoe, and then we might be able to beat Nike.
It’s that simple. I don’t care what Ruffini has to say about “netroots.” I don’t care what David Brooks says about paleos and reformers. You give me the $525 million advantage and I’ll give you a groundgame you’ve never imagined. I’ll make a My.InsertCandidateName.com too. Top it off with a charismatic candidate that KNOWS how to deliver the speeches you write for him (with proper pacing, emotional light and shade in the delivery, etc.) and you’re ahead even further.
Everyone’s blaming other people – when the fact is there was $525 million gap in campaign money. Are you still not getting it. This will make it clear: imagine you told your gf or wife – “sorry honey, we can’t make the car payments on your Lexus anymore because I didn’t get the promotion we wanted – but it’s not my fault, it’s the boss’. It’s Jeff from marketing.” Riiight… better pick a good pillow and comforter cuz you’re sleeping on the couch.)