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Dear Professor Smith,

I’m sorry that I didn’t show up for class on Thursday.  I was hungover – but for good reason.

A few of my buddies and I are developing a beer that can fight cancer.  No, seriously, we are.  The easy part is drinking it – as proved last night.  The hard part is the genetic engineering that goes into developing such an important beer.  I’m sure you can appreciate that, seeing as you’re an engineer.  When it’s done, it’ll contain resveratrol, the same compound that is said to give red wine its health benefits.

So if you can’t tell, I’m about to be a pretty big deal.  And while I understand being hungover is generally no excuse for missing your really important class, this time it should be – for the sake of research.

Oh, and if you don’t believe me, you can read about me here on Fox News.


Your least favorite student who’s about to be far more famous than you are