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Here’s today’s Craigslist DC want ad of the day.

Odd request, but I just need a safe sane man who can lift a medium sized microwave and carry it from my highrise apartment to my car in the parking lot. I don’t have money to pay you for your assistance. Is there any safe, sane man who has a few minutes on his hands to do a little kind work? Please have evening or weekend availability.

Ron Paul has unfortunately been disqualified.

PS: If you’re asking for help and willing pay zero dollars, we’d suggest you be a little more flexible on your times.