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Three hours of watching Hollywood’s best looking men and women take home awards last night may have us feeling mediocre, but the good news is that DC has its fair share of winners.

Best Original Score 

Tied: Sarcasm and Cynicism

Best Drama

Shutdown 2k13

Best Actor

Ted Cruz
for his rendition of Dr. Seuss’ “Green Eggs and Ham”

Best Actress

Kathleen Sebelius

Best Supporting Actors

Bo and Sunny Obama

Best Supporting Actor in a Drama Series

DC’s first snowfall: January 2nd, 2014

Best Comedy


Best Comedy Actor

Dan Snyder

Best Comedy Actress

Wendy Davis

Best Director


Best Original Song

Happy Birthday Song by John Boehner

Lifetime Achievement Award


Breakthrough Actor

Jeff Bezos

Breakthrough Actress

Bridget Kelly

Best Cinematography

An Instagram of a #DCsunset

Best Series


Best TV Series

State of the Union

Best Foreign Film

Rob Ford

Congratulations, everyone.