We all know that Nick Saban has won back-to-back National Championships with the mighty Crimson Tide. Alabama has won three of the last four titles (2010 does not exist). And the SEC has been winning BCS championships non-stop since before Barack Obama was a United States Senator.
Lots of people hate Alabama. We get it.
But this weekend, fans across the state of Texas and the country will be pulling for the Tide to destroy Johnny F’g Football. Baylor fans, Texas fans, Texas Tech fans. All of ’em.
So, welcome to the family, new bandwagon friends!
Here are 10 ways to sound smart on Saturday afternoon:
1. Three rings. Four years.
2. Dont worry. We still don’t get the elephant thing either.
3. Tide 101: “Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer, Give ’em Hell, Alabama!”
4. Tide 102: How’s the weather been? Roll Tide. Did you hear about Junior? Roll Tide. When was the last time you considered Kierkegaard’s infinite qualitative distinction between man and God? Roll Tide.
5. Saban remembers the Alamo. He was there.
8. We made Tuberville quit and Tim Tebow cry.
10. Lynyrd Skynyrd
Also, if you need a few things to lob at any Aggies sitting within shouting distance, these were provided by a loyal Baylor fan.
Ways to irritate Texas A&M fans:
1. “So there I was, watching the Longhorn Network the other day…”
2. “Wasn’t the 12th man started by the Seattle Seahawks?”
3. “JFF is talented, but I think RG3 is faster and has a better arm.”
4. “So you’re telling me hardly any of the guys in the corps actually go into the military? What is the point, then?”
5. “It’s really weird not having any female cheerleaders here.”
6. [If you are at the stadium] “Why does that sign out front say you won the Big 12 in 2010? Didn’t OU beat Nebraska in the title game that year?”
7. “Why do you still have ‘Texas University’ in your fight song?”
8. “Baylor’s stadium looks like it’s going to be the best in the state. And how about that offense this year!”
9. “I really don’t see how paying college athletes is a good idea, especially when their families are already rich.”
10. “Why doesn’t a college this big have a law school?”